If I am embarrassed on a regular basis about my performance… If the definition of my identity is so tied to what I produce/create that when I fail to meet my own expectations my pride is wounded as a result, then truly, I am wicked. At the core, this is the Christless part of me. This is the part that is hopelessly lost; the place that no human effort will ever influence.
A place where self-preservation, (self-improvement for the sake of preserving pride) has no acknowledgment to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. This is not masochism, but instead suffers under the influence of demonic suggestion.
After all, even the demons know that Jesus is Lord, but will not bow down to Him.
And so this deep flaw, this pervasive sickness, this perversion of the identity that we have in Christ has its sources in the old man.
It seems I am ever aware of it today., during this season of my life. I call myself a Christian, yet I am egocentric. I would say I am a follower, yet I am so deeply bent to my self-protection that I wonder who it is I am following.
Because I fail to meet my expectations, I experience self rage and deep self-rejection. All of which is idolatry and fuels an inner conversation that is atheistic at worst, agnostic at best.
Lord, help me put my eyes on You.
Written by guest blogger – Don Reynolds / on twitter @donreynolds